The life of a Master Procrastinator aka Master Slouch
How is your life?
I know I have been away from the blogging platform lately (I know, I know, I haven't blogged in almost a year sheesh). I have been so busy trying to survive the hectic life of being a senior at high school that everything else just took a backseat. Even at the moment, I'm neck deep in upcoming exams, IELTS, internships and applications, you know, just the usual dangerous stuff.
So I thought, why not take a break and update my blog? You know, killing two birds with the same stone.
Here goes nothing. Or more like what happens in the life of a master (lazy) procrastinator. (see what I did there?)
#1 Wake up ONLY after every other person in the house is awake
Even the mere thought of getting up before anyone else in the house is preposterous. You wake up (at 10 a.m., mind you) to draw the curtains even tighter then they already are because the thin crack of sunlight unnerves you and you realize you are the only one still in bed, apart from your family cat. You go back to sleep. Pfft, you'll wake up when she does.
P.S. Imagine how long you could sleep in if you lived alone.
#2 Try your hand at cooking breakfast, chuck it for Starbucks
It's 11 in the morning, you are, after much effort and deliberation, dressed and raring to go, ready to take the day by it's horns, as they say. Only grouse? Umm, did someone mention breakfast?
You had been dreaming about pancakes, so they seem the most obvious option. You rummage in your kitchen cupboards for flour. Na. Nada. Zilch.
Okayyy. What about toast and coffee? Toast seems too much of a hassle. Na, coffee would do.
But wait, your microwave's not working and who heats their water on the stove, right?
Oh chuck it. What about a mocha Frap and bacon sandwich from Starbucks? Mmmm, now where did I put my car keys?
#3 Deadlines for you are exactly what they sound like. Dead.
You are a procrastinator. That should be slang for hipster.
Who adheres to deadlines? You are way too cool for that. The dictionary definition of a procrastinator is one who delays or postpones things, so obviously deadlines do nothing for you.
So you skip project submission day to stay in and binge watch Gilmore Girls and order in pizza for lunch. Because its way better than the tacos that never saw the light of your grill.
#4 Exams are your apocalypse
It's a day before the exams start. (what's about to come is a really clichéd, really done to death situation, but read on.)
It's three in the afternoon. You have your Physics exam the next day.
You have already wasted half of your day by getting up at 10 and wasting another two hours contemplating what to have for breakfast (or lunch, lunchbreak?).
You have also uploaded an ugly picture of your best friend on Facebook, uploaded a pretty picture of yours on Instagram and tweeted about how sad your life is because of exams. Oh also, you have gone through snaps of all people that can exist on this planet and uploaded twice the number of your own snaps.
Currently you are browsing through dank memes and drool-worthy food pictures, simultaneously. Because apart from being a master procrastinator, you are also a master multi-tasker.
Okay. You need to study now. Now.
It's six p.m.
You have six chapters coming in the exam tomorrow.
So if you do one chapter per hour, you should be done by twelve.
No dinner, no toilet breaks, no let-me-check-social-media breaks.
Okay, let's start. Log out.
Oh wait, is that, is that a red banana?
"Share this post if you don't want to fail your exams."
Click click click.
"Why have I never heard this song before?"
"No, enough. I have to study now."
"Oh, this novel is so nice. Maybe I'll reread it."
"Chemistry is the best, wow."
"What if I could translate this poem to Spanish? would it still rhyme? Maybe I should try it."
"Geez, I am hungry."
Few hours later (read two in the morning) you have only done one chapter.
"I'll just go to sleep. I can always study during the exam, anyway."